Lingerie

During my marriage, you could say that I had somewhat of a love-hate relationship with lingerie.

I was first exposed to lingerie when I got married. I immediately fell in love with the beautiful pieces made of silk and satin and was excited to have details of my own.

Sadly, my husband, Mr. F, seemed to be severely "allergic" even to the word lingerie's slightest mention.

Regardless, I didn't mind that I wore them for myself. I loved how it felt to put on those elegant shift dresses, those that hang tight to your body and make you feel beautiful and sexy. Early on in my marriage, I realized that my husband did not differentiate nor minded whether I wore a piece of lingerie or an oversized t-shirt with a Disney character right in the middle.

But we will talk about Mr. Walt Disney in a later post; frankly he deserves it.

My last try of seducing my husband with a piece of lingerie was on a trip planned last minute. We left in search of sun and happiness. I was ecstatic, to say the least.

It was a Saturday, we had just gotten back from a beautiful dinner at a delicious Italian restaurant. The night couldn't have been more perfect; between glasses of wine, laughs, and pure bliss, I was enamored. I remember feeling the summer breeze and thinking to myself that even the weather was in our favor.

I felt my heartbeat beating faster as I felt butterflies in my stomach and what I felt was an overdose of love.

As soon as I got to the hotel, I was thrilled to put on my newly purchased lingerie set along with the delicate accessories I had purchased as a surprise for my husband.

As per usual, Mr. F was lying in bed reading. So I began, seductively putting one foot forward, and no reaction, I showed a little more leg, nope, and still no response. So I went for it; I started to walk towards him as what I thought resembled no less than a burlesque show. I even began to hum a tune as I approached him...tarararara...ra

His response? laughter. And no, it wasn't a nervous laugh; it was the kind that made your stomach hurt, that laughter you can't control because you are entirely and genuinely humored by something.

What?

I was shocked.

I went to the bathroom and took what felt like the longest shower I had ever taken.

When I came out, Mr. F was sound asleep, so I called my sister.

We talked about trivial subjects, and no, there weren't any tears, just the feeling of disconnection.

My relationship with lingerie began just after I had given birth to my firstborn daughter. After several months of solely dedicated to being a mother, I thought it was time to surprise my husband. One of my favorite things to do is shake my loved ones.

My marriage and my husband weren't going to be an exception.

For our wedding anniversary, I decided to make a reservation at the same hotel we had stayed the day we got married.

This made me feel a little guilty; we were young, just married with a newborn, and it wasn't going to come cheap.

When I finally delivered the grand gesture to my husband, the surprised one was me.

He informed me that his company had told him that he had to leave for an important business trip and was going the same day.

As if it was no big deal, he reassured me that we could celebrate the weekend that followed.

I felt disappointed, but I wanted to be a supportive wife.

To shuffle the situation, he opted to ask me what would then become one of Mr. F's signature phrases: "What do you want me to bring you back from the trip." This time with little remorse, I bluntly told him to bring me back a very sexy piece of lingerie.

So fast forward to the day of Mr. F's arrival from his trip. As he opened his luggage, he handed me my gift, a slip dress.

As I examined the garment, my jaw dropped. It was inevitable to hide my disappointment. I despised every single aspect of the dress. It was so severely tailored that I couldn't even figure out how to put it on. The fabric might as well have been for wear and tear.

One thing that I can say is that Mr. F has an expensive taste. There was NO way that he had purchased this item.

So without hesitation, I confronted him.

His answer? "Yeah, I went to buy it with my group of friends."

Excuse me?

A grown-up, married man needed his friends to buy his wife lingerie?

Are you kidding me?

I was honestly very annoyed, but I decided to go through with what had been our plans for our anniversary, but this time I was not thrilled.

After a few days, one of my best friends came to visit.

I had to show her the famous piece of lingerie and that I, without a doubt, would never dare to wear. My best friend has the best sense of humor but is also very direct. She took one look at it and, with laughter between her teeth, told me: "Impossible. He didn't buy this. I assure you he asked the first woman he saw outside of the store to purchase it for him". And if this is true, the woman who did it was to get it out of the way.

But I moved on.

Years later, Mr. F flew to meet up with one of his clients, who also happened to be a friend. I had met him several times and had gone to dinner and drinks on various occasions with him and his wife.

They were an older couple, but they had a great dynamic. The couple made me laugh and were fun to be around. They were very charming and genuinely lovely people.

Before he left, I don't recall why I asked him to surprise me with a lingerie piece. This time I told him to make sure to buy the prettiest one he found. He seemed very uncomfortable, maybe even awkward with my request.

When he came, he handed me a perfectly wrapped present. It was a piece of lingerie.

I thanked him immensely.

As I unwrapped the package, I saw the piece of lingerie. It wasn't exactly what I would have bought for myself; it was something I would never wear. He noticed.

He knew me very well; he knew my taste more than anyone by then. So I asked him: "Where did you buy it?" No answer.

He suddenly began stuttering and changed the subject.

He blurted: "I got you what you asked for, didn't I? You know I don't like those stores, they are for women".

Naturally, I asked him who had bought it.

There's a saying that says, "don't ask what you don't want to know." This fits perfectly with what he answered.

The next time we met up with Will and his wife, I thanked them for the gesture. I had never seen Mr. F so flustered and out of place in a social situation. I genuinely thought he was going to have a heart attack right then and there.

I won't lie. I got a little kick out of his reaction.

Will's wife was confused as to why I was thanking her. She had no idea about the famous piece of lingerie. The whole situation was just off.

It is safe to say that my ex-husband never showed the slightest interest to even the sexiest lingerie piece that the market offers.

This was just one of the 1000 pieces of what would turn into a puzzle.

I got married too young, inexperienced, naive.

Nowadays, this would be an immediate red flag for any woman.

At that time, I only thought of it as a characteristic of an uninterested, boring husband. He called me too "hot" at times, never felt guilty about that.

Thankfully I never thought that he intended to mess with my self-esteem, which I later realized was his goal.

What he did accomplish, and I let him do it, was to suppress the expression of my sensuality and sexuality.